Got up early 'cause I couldn't sleep, even though I was tired. One of those "worry nights" where the concerns that are manageable during the day seem overwhelming at night. Mostly money concerns this time of the year, but also worries about what the new year will bring for senior members of my family
Why do I always spend too much at Christmas? Why don't I budget and do a shopping list rather than depending on impulse buying, and why do I always find something I like better later on, but never return the original gift? Why didn't I order one of Ron's gifts earlier? It will not arrive in time for Christmas. Why did I order other gifts so late that there is no time to get a replacement on an order that was filled incorrectly. Who did I forget to send a card to? Who did I forget to buy a gift for? Why didn't I mail one of the gifts earlier so it would get there for Christmas? What will all the Christmas lights do to my electric bill? Do I have everything I need for Saturday's family get-together? Why didn't I get the bathroom wall paper up last summer? Will my mother be able to manage the stairs?
What if I can't find replacement filters for the humidifier? Will I have to buy a new one? Can I afford it? What's the worrisome noise my car is making? Will it be expensive to fix? Where am I going to find the money to get whatever-it-is repaired? And how much longer can I wait without getting that brake job done? Now that the car is paid for, will it be nothing but trouble? Was the bigger-than-average water bill worth it? Will the trees and lawn survive the drought? If we ever get snow will my back and shoulders survive shoveling, and will Ron insist on overdoing the shoveling? How's his heart anyway? Why doesn't he eat more carefully?
How many more years will we be able to do Christmas this way? Will mom be able to stay in her apartment? Is it time to think about assisted living? How much vision has she really lost? How much longer will she be able to walk with a cane or walker? Will Ron still be able to house sit/dog sit next year? How IS his heart? What does the future hold for him? Will I ever be able to sell this house or will I just have to walk away from it? Where will I get the money to maintain it with no raises in sight, and everything going up, especially my house payment because of property taxes. Why are the Republicans willing to let us suffer just to "get Obama"? Why do people buy into that? What's wrong with them? How will my Agency, City, State, Country survive this economy? Why can't politicians vote with their hearts rather than doing what their party tells them to do?
An hour later, after several cups of coffee, the rest of the cinnamon bread, numerous dog kisses, and being entertained by Letty's antics, I feel much better. I can't change the past, or predict the future, so I'll enjoy the day, the holiday season, my friends & family & dogs. We'll let the worries take care of themselves . . .
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