The Hours Before Dawn



The late, much missed Rob. My "heart dog".


Suddenly I am laying in bed wide awake.  Must be 5:55 and time to get up, but no - it's only 3:20.  Although I turn over and try to get back to sleep, I know it's not going to happen as a jumble of thoughts start racing through my mind.  I've gotten through the past few months with very little "down time", for which I am grateful, but I dread the worrying nights, when all concerns & questions seem to be magnified.

Why did I spend so much money on Christmas?  Did I get everything?  Do I need more cards?  Who did I forget?  How much will my Xcel Energy bill be and will I have enough in my checking account to cover it?  Will my car insurance bill come on the 23rd?  How will I pay that?  Did I make my furniture payment this month? Did I even get the bill?  How can I possibly consider going to Westminster?  Will Argus drop out of the Top 10 all breed?  Should I have gone to Chicago this weekend?   How much snow will we get this time?  Where will we put it?  How will St. Paul pay for another Snow Emergency?  How will we get down the streets that are already too narrow?  How can I afford another tie rod on my car? Is the car going to be a money pit as it gets older?  Is my job secure?  Can I master the new accounting system?  Will they fill all the empty positions, or will we be forced to "make do" without enough people to get the work done?  Are they setting us up to fail?  Will the state go into lock down mode next summer?  Why are politics so polarized in Minnesota?  Will state government get anything accomplished this session?  Will state employees ever get a raise again some day?  Should I refinance and get my wiring redone?  Will I need a new roof?  How much money will I lose on Tess's litter of two?  Will Michele be able to fly out with the patched boy?  Will Eddie be show quality?  Will Patti want to take him in January, or will I have another pup to house train? Will Mariah bully him too much?   Is Mariah big enough for her age?  How can I afford a puppy training class for her right now?  When am I going to get the patio door stained?  Why didn't I spend the extra $200.00 on a prefinished door? 

And of course when I start worrying, I worry for everyone. Will Wendy & Kathleen find a backer for Pauli or will she sit home and go to waste because of the enormously high cost of campaigning a show dog? Will Coral stay healthy? How long will she live? How will Ron handle losing her? Will Ron stay healthy? Should I nag him for about eating better? Getting out more? Losing a few pounds? And what about Jess? Is she backsliding? Is my sister smoking or not?  Will Kris Hatch find homes for her puppies? Can Laurie afford to get her car fixed?  Will Don's father stay out of the hospital over Christmas?  Will Mom stay healthy this winter?  How about my sister's car?  Will it hold up all winter?  Will my brother-in-law get the job he is hoping for? Will the weather in Costa Rica be OK for next year's flower crops, and will Al get his hours adjusted the way he hopes?  Will Ginger's mother be OK?  Will the AKC survive?  Why is Tom so difficult?  What's wrong with Cheryl?  Will I ever get Lucy down here to show?  Will there even be any points next year?  How will Argus handle retirement?  How will I handle Argus's retirement?

Three cups of coffee later, with time out for hugging a few dogs, things are looking a bit brighter.  I'll take this one day at a time, do my best, and try to be patient and understanding.   I'll remind myself how fortunate I am to have a job, a roof over my head, a wonderful family, good friends, and my beloved dogs.  That's enough for now.   Things will be fine.