Time To Say Good Bye

When I took this picture of Sanka last night, the first thing that came to mind was how much she looked like Coral, at least in this picture.  She's only very distantly related to Coral, does not have Coral's big eyes, and maybe it's just the open markings and distinctly red liver color that look so familiar.  Or perhaps it's just that Coral is so very much on my mind right now.

Today will be The Day, Coral's last day.  The appointment is made with Coral's favorite Vet, Jess will meet us at the clinic, and I know that it is time, but I almost backed out last night. Is it really time?  Is she really in pain?  Does she still enjoy her life, even though it no longer appears that way?  It's such a very hard thing to do, to decide when to say Good Bye.  If only they could talk, and share their feelings with us.

I had hoped that Coral could die at home, in her sleep, free of pain, but that is not to be.

Coral has a large, rapidly growing mammary tumor in addition to severe arthritis and chronic kidney failure.  She walks with great difficultly, with her back severely arched, and has great difficulty getting up and down.  Although we have throw rugs everywhere, she has trouble staying on her feet, and can't always manage the 6 inches to step up on the dog bed.  She falls often. Yet she still eats the meaty portion of each meal (no veggies please) and gazes adoringly at Ron when he talks to her.  She's patient with the other dogs, and even Fern is respectful of her.  Coral never pees in the house because Ron takes her out every 3 to 4 hours, but she can no longer control her bowels.  She never complains, never whines or cries out, and is just as stoic as she has always been, but I can tell by her eyes that she is in pain.  The sparkle is gone and has been replaced with a resignation.  I asked her last night if she was really ready to go.  Her eyes said Yes. So be it.